


The Five Steps of a Choice

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: Abortion, Gen, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-16
Updated: 2011-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-15 17:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/162957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quinn was the first one to notice that Tina was pregnant. Tina realized that no matter how she put it, she could not go through with a pregnancy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anger

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This fic deals with a rather frank discussion of abortion, something that may be seen as controversial for many.

**Anger**

Tina did not understand what was going on when Quinn took her aside after a rehearsal day ended. Though the two girls had been in glee club together for the last two years, Quinn had barely spoken two words to her in all of that time. “Tina,” Quinn said calmly. “I don’t want to scare you, but have you considered that you might be pregnant?”

Tina stared at Quinn. She opened her mouth to tell the other girl how crazy her idea was, when she considered the details and the fact that Quinn had been pregnant pretty recently. She and Mike had slipped up and forgotten protection that one time and she had been very sick lately; she had been both nauseated and very fatigued. She, well, she honestly could not remember the last time that she had a period either. Panic hit her suddenly.

“I…”

Why was Quinn asking this anyway? She opened her mouth to ask that question when Quinn answered it for her.

Quinn shrugged a little bit. “I saw you throw up after History today,” she mumbled, quietly, glancing around to make sure that nobody was listening to their conversation. “I um, also overheard you telling Mercedes you’ve been kind of tired and off lately. You basically described how I felt early in my pregnancy and I didn’t think you had a clue. Are you…late?”

Tina nodded slowly.

“Could you be?” Quinn asked and Tina realized that she was genuinely concerned.

“I could be,” she said, entirely horrified.

Quinn looked at her and then nodded slowly, genuine concern filling her pretty brown eyes. “Okay,” she said softly. “You really need to go take a pregnancy test. Get two, if you can, just in case something goes wrong with one of them. Do you have my cell phone number? You can call me after, if you need to talk. I’ve…I’ve been there Tina and I know that it’s scary but you’re going to be fine.”

Tina realized then that Quinn really, truly thought that she was pregnant. She had not even considered such a ludicrous thing, but now she was honestly starting to think about it. What if she was pregnant? What could she do? She could not be pregnant. She could not be pregnant by any means, at all, ever.

She turned and immediately went to do what the cheerleader told her to.

Tina could not even remember the walk from McKinley High to Johnson’s drug store. Her first real thought came the moment that she was standing in the middle of an aisle, looking at an assortment of pregnancy tests, conveniently placed right next to several boxes of condoms. “Either way, they make a sale,” she mumbled softly, picking up one of the many pregnancy tests and then freezing in place. It was such a local store that anyone could really see her here, looking at the pregnancy tests like this.

She sucked down that incredibly frightening, almost crippling fear and grabbed two of the pregnancy tests.

“I’m not pregnant,” she said, softly, as she took the two boxes up to the front of the store, determined to buy them before she broke down crying or stole them out of her embarrassment over this situation.

As she walked home, she kept talking to herself in that slightly unstable and yet oh-so-necessary way. “I can’t be pregnant,” she said. “Mike and I have…we’ve only had sex a couple of times ever and he’s the only guy that I’ve ever had sex with. We used condoms…”

Even as Tina said it out loud, she could recall at least one time that she and Mike had forgotten a condom in the heat of the moment. That might not have been the only time, even. Most of the time Mike was so logical, so careful, but Tina was wild and would often pressure her boyfriend out of his comfort zone and she knew that whenever they had forgotten a condom it was all her fault.

Oh god, this was her fault.

She hurried upstairs, thanking everything that both of her parents worked late. She clutched her purse, containing her forbidden purchase, as tightly to her as she could possibly manage. This was killing her.

There were a million reasons why she could have been so suspiciously sick besides pregnancy. There had been a lot of flus and stuff going around Lima. It was probably just some kind of weird stomach bug. Having a bad virus could make you just as tired and fatigued as being pregnant. She had felt oddly sore and tender everywhere too, wasn’t that a flu symptom? Also, her period was always late. She was seventeen and irregular. It just happened. She was undoubtedly not pregnant.

Still, Tina knew that she needed to take the test. She slowly took one of out of the box, once safely in the bathroom, locked away.

The tests were simple enough and she took both of them. It was just peeing on a stick after all. Once they were taken, Tina sunk down to the floor, trying to calm her breathing down. Her breath was coming in uneven, shallow pants and she was starting to feel horrible. She closed her eyes and tried her best not to absolutely cry. She could feel her chest tightening up and she squeezed her eyes shut a little tighter.

By the time she had composed herself and managed to get the anxiety attack to stop, she saw that the test results were forming.

Both of the pregnancy tests read positive.

Her heart broke and she couldn’t move. She sobbed. How could she be pregnant when she only had sex with one guy? Another sob wrenched its way out of her throat and she dropped the pregnancy test in her hand, shutting her eyes.

No. No. This could not be happening.

Surprisingly, anger rather than devastation struck her first. Tina got up, screaming out loud. How on earth could she be pregnant when she had only had sex with one guy, a couple of times, when there were girls at her school like Santana and Brittany who were absolute sluts? How on earth could someone like Tina be pregnant over all of the teenage whores walking around Lima, Ohio?

It wasn’t fair. She was a good girl. She wasn’t abstinent, sure, but she had only had sex with her boyfriend, who she loved. This wasn’t right.

“I can’t be pregnant!” she screamed, yelling the word like it was a curse.

She dropped to her knees and started sobbing, uncontrollably. She could not believe this. Her parents were going to disown her and Mike was going to hate her. She was going to be called a total slut for this. She had allowed herself to get knocked up in high school. Oh god, she was just another stereotype.

Reaching in her purse for her cell phone, still gasping uncontrollably, Tina called Quinn. Quinn had told Tina to call her if she needed and oh god, she needed. It had been less than an hour since they last spoke but the whole world had changed. This wasn’t fair. She couldn’t even speak when Quinn answered.

“Hi…” Quinn said hesitantly. “Tina?”

“I am,” she whispered.

Those two words really symbolized her acceptance and realization that she was pregnant and that this was something she was going to have to deal with. She was still in total disbelief but these pregnancy tests, coupled with her symptoms, they weren’t lying to her.

“Oh god Tina,” Quinn said, genuine concern in her voice. “I am so sorry sweetheart. I thought that it sounded too much like you might be, but I’m…I’m still so sorry.”

“What do I do?” Tina rasped out.

“Tina, it will be okay,” Quinn said calmly, seriously. “I know that you’re scared to death right now but you do have many options. Also, you cannot lie or keep this in any longer than you have to. I know that lying or hiding it from anyone is the worst thing that you can do.”

Tina nodded. Quinn was right about that, but what were her options really? She was terrified and pregnant and she wanted the world to stop spinning.

“I have to do something.”

She was angry. Why was this happening?


	2. Logic

**Logic**

Tina Cohen-Chang was pregnant and she needed to figure out what to do.

She had spent three days after reading the positive pregnancy test angry, lashing out and not speaking to anyone. Even Quinn, who was trying to be such a supportive friend, was met with an angry look and a quiet dismissal. No, she did not want to talk about it and had no intentions of talking about it. She tried denial, pretending that she was not throwing up because of the fact that she was pregnant, but it just turned into more anger because she was no good at lying, not even to herself.

Three days of anger and she slowly slipped into the logical stage of her ultimate decision. She had to figure out what to do.

The thought of keeping and raising a baby made her laugh bitterly. She was seventeen and barely able to take care of herself. She was immature, stupid and did not even have the slightest traces of a maternal instinct. She was sickened by the idea of that responsibility left in her hands. In any other situation it would have been funny to say it, but she was the girl who killed goldfish in her childhood. She did not want to raise a baby.

She had not even thought about becoming a parent as an adult yet. She wasn’t violently opposed to the idea; it was just not in her plans for either the near or distant future.

She had a lot of plans for her future that didn’t involve a baby though. She wanted to go to college for art and design. She had a good shot at a scholarship to a school or two in New York. She had a lot of plans in the future after Lima, Ohio, and they did not involve a screaming infant.

Nausea rose in her throat again and she tried not to puke out of both fear and the need to puke that had overtaken everything else.

Her thought quickly traveled to her parents. Her father was maintaining fewer and fewer accounts at work and her mother was earning a kindergarten teacher’s salary. How could she give her financially strapped, hardworking parents the added burden of an infant who she did not want and who they did not ask for?

Quinn had given up her child for adoption and adoption was always an option, but there were already so many arguments against it in her mind. First of all, while adopting out the baby would lessen some of the burden on her and on her family, it would not take it away. She had witnessed the financial burdens that had been laid on Quinn in terms of clothes, prenatal care, hospital bills and more. It would be financially depleting to even carry a child for nine months of pregnancy. Also, Quinn had been lucky enough to find a woman who wanted to be a mother and arrange a last minute private adoption. It was more than likely that any baby Tina had would be sent into the system, another unwanted child. She did not know if she was that cruel.

Tina also knew that she could honestly never let the baby go after spending nine months with it growing inside of her. She was not prepared to be a mother but she also was not immune to feelings. She knew that Quinn was still haunted by letting go of Beth. She could not stand the idea of loving this person and letting them go, only to never see them again. Tina did not want to break. She knew she mentally was not strong enough.

Abortion was her only option.

Whenever Tina had thought of abortion before it had been with a sort of detachment. She was decidedly pro-choice, but it was a choice that she would never have to make. She never imagined she would have to think about it. She never imagined that she would have to know that it was her only choice.

Panic began to grip her in the chest. She closed her eyes and willed it to go away but she had so many questions in her mind. Would it hurt? She knew logically that an abortion was a very simple operation and that millions of women had done it. It was pretty simple. Would she regret it with every fiber of her being? She didn’t know. She didn’t think of aborting an unborn child as being a horrific babykiller or anything, but still there would be so much regret. Regret was inevitable.

She texted Quinn that night, still feeling the girl was the only one she could talk to.

\- Quinn. It’s me. I’m sorry for last night. Can I talk to you?  
\- Sure. Do you wanna come over?  
\- Ok.

That had led to Tina coming over to Quinn’s, when the week before they would have never spoken to each other. Quinn’s house was huge and for a minute Tina forgot her logical pattern of thoughts when she saw the heavily decorated home. The house was also decidedly Catholic, something that made her swallow heavily, nervous. She did not know what Quinn’s feelings on the subject would be, but she had to tell someone and it wasn’t like any of her friends were there for her in the way that Quinn was.

“Quinn, I am pretty sure that I’m to get an abortion,” she said softly, when she sat on the end of the girl’s bed.

The silence indicated that no good would come of this talk.

"There is no way you can get an abortion," Quinn said, completely stopping Tina from even thinking about what to say next. She shook her head and looked totally disgusted. Tina had never really dealt with someone looking at her with total disgust before and it blew her mind, especially with how much she had pressed through the decision making process.

Tina realized how expected it was for cross-wearing Quinn Fabray to be against abortion, especially considering the fact that she went through hell for her own child, but she had come to her anyway because of the fact that Quinn seemed willing to help her. Maybe she was stupid for coming to Quinn but at the same time maybe in laying out her decision without her thought process she had laid it on much too strong.

"It's just immoral Tina," Quinn explained delicately, like she was completely unaware of the common arguments against abortion. "The baby didn't do anything wrong."

Tina looked up and shrugged slowly. She decided to try and explain herself and the thought-process that had led her to that ultimate conclusion. "I went through everything pretty soundly," she said. "It really is the only way to not burden my family and not to hurt myself. I know my mental capabilities Quinn. I don't think I could survive carrying a kid, not in my head at least. Even if I gave the child up for adoption, I would have way too many things wrong with my head by the end of it. I already have a lot of things wrong with my head.”

"It's selfish to think that way."

"I would hurt too many people," Tina vented softly. “My mom, my dad, me, Mike and the baby…”

"Tina," Quinn said, putting a hand on Tina's. "I know you're scared and I thought some extreme things too when I found out I was pregnant but you can't kill a baby for your mistakes."

"We're not all as strong as you," she said. The tears came, as much as she fought them, because her fail proof justification for having the abortion was falling apart. "Some of us have deeper issues of our own and k-killing a baby, as you so kindly put it, might be better than anything else I can do."

Quinn hugged her, put her arms around her but it felt cold. "I'll pray for you and I promise you'll find your way. We’ll help you get through this.”

She stayed there for awhile, taking the depressing comfort that tore through her logic and made her thoughts feel criminal, but hey comfort was comfort. That human need for comfort beat her need to plan and beat this.

Falling back to planned thought and action was easier when she was home, locked away in her bedroom with her computer. When she realized that she needed parental consent to go through with an abortion, the power of rationality kind of went out of that window. That meant for Tina, that she had to tell her mother and her mother had to agree with the action. Sometimes she hated the fact that she lived in Ohio. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust her mother; actually, she and her mother had a very strong relationship and she usually felt she could tell the woman anything. She had been the first to know when Tina started dating Artie, when she broke up with him, when she failed her first test and had to confess to faking a stutter through four years of school.

Her mom was well, mom.

She could not let this be different, following the rules of logic and all.

“Mom,” she called, shutting her eyes. She had never been so scared of anyone in her life as she was of her own mother in that moment. “Mom!”

Her mother soon poked her head in the door. “What is it, sweetie?” she asked.

“C-come in mom,” she said softly. Her voice did not sound like her own; instead, it sounded like a voice she’d given up a long time ago. Her mom entered the room and Tina found that the words just poured out in that same strange voice. “M-mom I’m pregnant. I want to get an abortion.”


	3. Loneliness

**Loneliness**

Tina’s mother had always handled family issues and total crisis with a calmness that Tina admired. The moment that she told her mother she was pregnant, the woman’s face fell and she sat at the end of the bed, but she did not shriek or yell or do anything that a movie-mother would do if she found out her daughter was pregnant and aborting. “Tina,” she said in an eerily even voice that made Tina even more sick to her stomach than she figured yelling would have. “How long have you known that you were pregnant?”

“Less than a week,” she said softly. “I was feeling sick and my friend Quinn, who was pregnant last year, noticed that all the symptoms matched.”

“I thought that your father and I gave you plenty of sex education to make up for the Lima school system.”

It was such a formal conversation for something that was making Tina seethe on the inside with rage, anger and slowly and surely, depression. There should have been an explosion but instead there was a slow burn. “I knew to use protection,” she said quietly, “just like you guys said. I just…must have slipped up.” She started crying then, tears falling freely. She let them fall, not even looking her mother in the eyes.

Her mother would not look her in the eyes either.

There was a long, drawn out silence that was killing her. “I need parental consent to…do it,” she mumbled quietly. “I…I’ve thought on this a lot, mom. I don’t want to put everyone through a baby. I want to get an abortion.”

“I agree with that choice,” her mother said softly, almost vacantly, like she had no capacity to put emotion in her words. “I’m disappointed in you Tina, I’m really disappointed in you, but this is a mess that needs cleaning up.”

Her mother was looking at her as though she wasn’t her daughter anymore, as if she were a stranger and one that she could not make eye contact with out of fear. “Are you going to tell Dad?” she asked quietly.

Her mother shook her head.

Tina turned in towards her pillow and started sobbing. It was the worst, most empty feeling that she had ever felt in her entire life. It was like this child was a sudden parasite that was feeding off of her, making her no longer the Tina that everyone once knew and loved. She didn’t want to be that person anymore. She breathed slowly, to keep herself from having a total panic attack. She just felt so alone.

When she turned to look back, her mother was gone too, probably trying to sort out cleaning her mess and she truly was alone.

If thinking logically had been kinder to her then she might have started debating whether or not to tell Mike about her plans, but she was just so alone and her ability to think had just fizzled out. She went to visit Mike at his home, still debating over whether or not to tell her boyfriend, but loneliness beat logic the moment she saw him. The moment that she and Mike were alone in his family's backyard, she blurted it out in a long winded ramble. She heard it come out but like the moment she told her mother, it did not sound like a voice she owned.

"I know that you and I have always been honest with each other and have never kept big secrets and I know that I don't have to tell you this, but I love you and I do. I'm pregnant okay and I..."

She stopped speaking the moment that she saw the shock and horror in his eyes. It was incredibly unnerving to watch her boyfriend lose his pretty amazing composure. He looked shocked. The first thing out of his mouth was, "H-how?" as he sat down on the swing set's left swing.

Not knowing what to do, she sat down on the right and looked at her hands. "I blame myself entirely," she said seriously. "You've always been so calm, level headed and rational. You've always thought of things like protection. It is completely my fault Mike."

"Don't say that," he said, stopping the slow rocking of his swing. "It's not your...it's not your fault Tina. I-I-I am as much to blame as you are. I'm with you and we do everything together, as a team." His eyes fell on her stomach and he wished that he would not stare at her with that kind of intensity. They really were not together on everything and she had made the decision without him.

"Mike," she said, forcing the words out of her heart because she could not stand the way he was staring at her. "I'm getting an abortion."

His face was indescribable. His mouth opened and his jaw went slack. He mouthed the word that she spoke as if it was simply not part of his vocabulary and he had never heard it before. "H-hey its okay," he said. "We have a lot of thinking and planning to do. We don't have to make any rash decisions just yet."

Guilt rose in her throat like the bile that had been coming up constantly for days now. She had never loved someone like she loved Mike and he was so good, so good to her. He wanted to work with her but the choice had already been made.

She realized then that the isolation would not be eased by letting Mike know. She was suffocated and alone. He put his arms around her and comforted her and she leaned her head on his shoulder, but she was still all by herself on this one. “Tina, it’s going to be okay,” he mumbled slowly, in that calm and confident voice.

She knew it wasn’t.

When she got home, the date and time of the appointment was laying on her bedside desk in a cryptic and frightening way. It was hard to do this without conversation, without support. She was almost ready to choke on her sobs when she read it. She just needed someone to be there with her, on the same page as her and tell her that it was going to be okay but she was so alone. She had never been so alone in her life, but at least the appointment was by the end of the week. She just had to survive one more week of school feeling like she was more alone than ever. It would get better after that.

Even glee club, which had always been the one place where Tina didn’t feel alone, was lonelier than ever. She knew that Quinn had told her intentions of abortion to at least one person, because news traveled fast at McKinley and a day after telling Quinn the rest of them were looking at her with suspicion.

Mike even sat at the other end of the room, instead of tucked close to her side as always.

She overheard Brittany mumbling to Artie, “is she a babykiller?” and nearly threw up on the spot.

Quinn and Mercedes also seemed to be talking about her when she entered, because they both shut up, something they could rarely do, the second she walked in the room. Quinn glanced at her and her expression was nothing near that of the friend she had relied on in this. She was so freaking alone, oh god.

The glares, however, burned worse than anything that was said said. While they should have been thinking about the week's assignment, everyone was obviously thinking of her instead. She could feel each stare. When she actually built up the courage to look back she noticed little things she normally would have ignored, like Puck's disgusted stare or Brittany's puzzled look. All of the attention was just terrifying, so many eyes on her when they should have been worrying about their own problems. She felt like she was on trial or something.

"I can't take this anymore!"

She could not help herself. She screamed out the words that had been building up in her chest. She felt the most powerful surge of emotion and barely made it out of the room before the sobbing started.


	4. Need

**Need**

Tina heard footsteps behind her. She was so angry that she almost did not turn back, but part of her was curious to see who had followed her and why they cared.

It was Santana. Santana, who stood behind her looking uncertain and insecure, two things that she never associated with that girl.

"What are you doing here?" she asked through her tears.

"Making sure that you're okay," the girl answered quietly. "People were being totally ridiculous back there, projecting their own shit on you, all over a rumor that got spread around by their mouthy princess.”

Tina marveled at the sight in front of her. Of all of the people to come after her; it wasn't a friend, it wasn't her boyfriend, and it wasn't even her teacher. The person to follow her was one of the bitchiest people she ever knew. Santana Lopez had no reason to care about the stupid pregnant girl and yet here she was.

"Okay," the girl said, ushering Tina to the lunch tables. She sat them both down. "Since I've only heard your story from holier-than-thou Queen Fabray, I figured we could you know, chill and talk and shit. How do you feel?”

It was quite the question and Tina didn’t feel like getting into how abandoned and alone she suddenly felt. "I'm sick," she said. "This thing is wrecking my body, making me puke all the time and feel so tired. I haven't slept in days and I just...ugh." Tina broke into soft sobs, eyes shut to relieve the pounding in her head. "I need to make it go away."

"I'm sorry everyone's giving you crap," Santana said, hand on Tina's shoulder. It still seemed so wrong to Tina that Santana Lopez, the queen bitch of McKinley and even of glee was the one to be there for her through this. It made her absolutely laugh, because who would have expected her life would become this big mess? "It's Ohio, I guess but you don't deserve to feel like crap for the choice you're making. It is the best one."

Tina nodded, knowing Santana was right. She was just a teenage girl, not some brutal baby killer, though her friends would make her believe she was. She just wanted to do the right thing and not feel like the world was isolated from her. She wanted to know that she had people there with her, understanding why she felt this was right. She should not have to justify this but here she was justifying it at a mile a minute.

“When are you going to…you know?” Santana asked gently, probably easing over the actual word for her benefit, as she was anything but ashamed of what she said.

“This weekend,” she said softly. “It’s quite the trip but it’s not like Lima was ever known for its abortion clinics. My mom’s giving me the permission to do so but, it’s like she’s not even there.”

“What about Mike?” she asked.

Tina shook her head. “Did you notice how he was sitting about a mile away from me today?” she asked. “I love him and yet even now I get the feeling that we’re more than over. He doesn’t want me to do it. He was so good and so supportive Santana. I know he’d drop his world for me and this kid if I asked him to. That’s the worst part. I don’t want that, I don’t want that but he’d offer it in a heartbeat.”

Santana hugged her, which was weird. “Even though this kind of sounds like a crappy PSA it is your body and your choice,” she mumbled low. “I know that your mom and Mike and probably everyone is trying to make you feel like a slut and embarrassed right now but there are tons of girls who go through the same thing. Nobody likes to talk about it though, because it’s unpleasant. I’ve never been afraid to talk about the unpleasant shit for that reason.”

Tina had always thought that Santana never refrained from talking about unpleasant things because she was a blunt bitch but right now she certainly appreciated that.

“I’m just so alone,” she whispered.

“Nah,” Santana said softly. “You feel alone, but like I said, millions of girls go through this but none of them have the balls to talk about it. I mean…it’s shitty and no girl who gets an abortion is going to go out and sing songs about how awesome it is to do. It does sort your head out and make you sure that you’ll be much more careful next time.”

“Did you…”

“Freshman year,” Santana mumbled, looking up and Tina almost thought she saw traces of tears in the girl’s eyes. “Got on birth control pills since then and I will kick a guy in the nuts and leave if he refuses a condom. I might be a slut but I’m a smart slut.”

“You’re not a slut,” Tina said, looking the other girl in the eyes and then blushing when she remembered her first reaction when she found out she was pregnant. She had immediately wondered why it was her, who had been completely monogamous and could count the number of times she and Mike slept together on one hand, rather than one of the sluts like Santana who walked around McKinley High and slept with whoever would let them. She sucked that guilt down and mumbled, “Is that why you’re being so nice to me?”

“Mostly,” Santana said, never anything but honest. “You shouldn’t go alone, even if your mom’s gonna be there. I went alone and nearly went off the deep end on the ride home with my dad. He called me a whore the whole way.”

“My mom wouldn’t…”

“Still,” Santana said quickly. “I have a lot of time on my hands now that I’m not wearing the Cheerio’s uniform. Just think about it if you don’t want to be alone.”

Tina nodded seriously. “I will,” she said. Oh God, she didn’t want to be alone.

“Also, um, Tina I know you heard what Brittany said today,” Santana mumbled. “I’m sorry about that. She’s Brittany.”

“What’s everyone else’s excuse?”


	5. Acceptance?

**Acceptance?**

For something that held so much meaning, it seemed to be over so fast. It was over and done with but was it ever going to truly be over? Her first instinct was to cry, but the tears didn't come in choked sobs like they had for the last week. This time she just cried, tears streaking her face and stroking her hot skin. She wanted to close her eyes but she was afraid that it would lead to her melting away. She could not handle anything that she was experiencing and everything that she was not experiencing at the same time. Was she really supposed to be reacting to this being over with such numbness?

"Can I come home with Tina?" Santana asked, surprising Tina. Tina turned her head slowly towards her mother. Her mother's expression was blank and totally unreadable. Her face was as frozen as her daughter's heart. Neither of them could really handle what was going on and what had just happened. They were similar in that respect, at least.

"Your car..." Tina said her voice emotionless.

"I'll have my dad bring me to get it tonight," dismissed the girl, who wrapped an arm around Tina. "If you’re alone, you might do stupid shit and I don’t want you alone.”

She tried to say that her mother was there and that she was not alone but it just did not feel true. She leaned her head on the girl's shoulder. She was so alone and everything hurt. Absolutely everything hurt. She tried to make herself cry but she was just numb. Things would get better, they had to, but they were not there yet. She was not near the point where things were better yet. They drove home in what felt like hours but was really minutes.

That same night, a few hours later, she let Santana leave and then just stayed in her room alone, staring out of the window in her bedroom. Her mother had told her father that she was sick, so she went with that, staying up in the room all night. She was sick; she was sick and pained, tired and worn to the ground. It was, like Santana had told her it would be, a life lesson that she would never forget. She would be careful from there on out. She would make sure that she knew better. She would do everything that she could to never feel the pain she felt again. She could never survive feeling like she did in that moment again.

She let herself be sick and feel the pain, the loneliness, the need, everything that she had felt before, all rolled up into one. It was pretty overpowering and it all just came out in one moment and would not stop.

On Sunday, she finally came downstairs. She was still suffering the physical effects of the abortion but she was able to act like she was no longer sick. Her father asked her how she was feeling and she hugged him. She felt bad for keeping this from him but it was for the best.

Her mother hugged her a little later and said, “Tina, baby, I love you. You know I love you right? I just…I love you.”

“I know mom and I love you too.”

It meant the world. She honestly and logically knew that the pregnancy had not made her mother stop loving her, but it was hard not to feel that way when her mother had been so angry and cold.

On Monday, Mike broke up with her. Or he told her, shifting on his feet and looking guilty that he “really needed to take a break.” Tina knew what that meant. It was funny, considering the fact that Mike’s mother was a freaking harpy who would have killed him if she found out he knocked up a girl he wasn’t married to, but Mike was obviously not okay with what had happened. Or maybe, he was okay with what happened, but wasn’t okay with the way she shut him out.

Tina felt badly for shutting Mike out but it was really the only way. She could not think without bias or confusion if she had shared that decision making process with her boyfriend. It was over. She had lost her boyfriend for it, but she had done what was right by her. “I understand Mike,” she said quietly, “and I’m sorry.”

She was sorry. Maybe if she was better it could have been different, or maybe if it was different she could have been better – but it was what it was.

She hugged him and didn’t cry.

On Tuesday, things started to get more regular. Her body went back towards normal and she walked into glee with her head held high. She was red in the face, ashamed, but at the same time she could not express shame.

She looked at Quinn and then decided that she should thank the girl. “Thank you,” she said, before they started. “You really helped me make it through. I know that your views don’t allow you to agree with me, or the decision that I made, but I am very thankful that you were there for me. You’re a good friend and I hope our differences are put aside some time so I can know you better.”

She didn’t know what would happen or if anyone in the club, aside from Santana, who gave her a smirk from across the room, would ever see her the same again, but she was going to be alright. Everything was going to be alright.


End file.
